May

14

Client Fun

May 14, 2007 |

I’m a freelance designer. I work from home and I do graphic design and web design. This means that I work with many different clients and have a new client every few weeks (hopefully). In the course of being freelance I’ve encountered some wonderful examples what I like to call “Client Fun”. These are just a few examples of the kinds of conversations that I’ve had with my fun clients:

Me:
“Hi Mrs. Deadbeat. You haven’t paid my last invoice yet and you got it 18 weeks ago.”
Deadbeat Client (DB):
“Oh, hi! I was meaning to call you.”
Me:
“Yes, I’m sure you were. So did you get my invoice?”
DB:
“Um, yeah, you didn’t send me an invoice.”
Me:
“Yes, I did. I have the email in front of me where you say that you got it.”
DB:
“Oh yeah, I got it. But you didn’t send me your isshur nikui mas(tax information)”
Me:
“Yes, you have it. I sent it the first time you paid me which was 6 months ago.”
DB:
“Oh yeah, you did. But it is expired.”
Me:
“No. It isn’t. And if you have it in front of you to see that it is expired, why did you say you didn’t have it?”
DB:
“No, I don’t have it in front of me, but I thought it was expired.”
Me:
“Well, it isn’t. So why haven’t you paid me?”
DB:
“Oh. Yeah, I’ve been away and someone else was supposed to pay you.”
Me:
“Well, can you pay me tomorrow?”
DB:
“Sure. Call me tomorrow and remind me.”
Me (calling tomorrow):
“Hi, can I speak to DB in accounting?”
DB’s secretary (DBS):
“Oh, I’m sorry. DB is not in the office. She’s on vacation.”
Me (banging the phone against my head):
“When will she be back?” (knowing the answer, but torturing myself anyway)
DBS:
“She won’t be back for 2 weeks.”
Me:
“Is there anyone else who can pay me?”
DBS:
“Sure, DB’s boss. I’ll transfer you.”
DB’s boss’s secretary:

“Hello, how can I help you?”

Me:

“May I speak with DB’s boss, please?”

DB’s boss’s secretary:
“I’m sorry, he’s not in the office, he’s on a business trip to the US. Can I help you?”
Me:
“I need to get paid. Can someone pay me?”
DB’s boss’s secretary:
“You need to speak to DB. I’ll transfer you…”
Me:
“@#%@$@!@%”
Me:
“Hi Mr. Deadbeat, I’m calling to confirm that you got my invoice and that I will be paid on time as we agreed in the contract that you signed.”
DB:
“Oh, hi! I was meaning to call you.”
Me:
“Yes, I’m sure you were. So did you get my invoice?”
DB:
“Well, there was a problem with the invoice.”
Me:
“What was the problem?”
DB:
“You told us that the project would take between 4-7 hours and you’re billing us for 15 hours.”
Me:
“Yes. That quote was based on the original project specs. The project was very different then when we initially discussed.”
DB:
“No it wasn’t! We asked for a brochure and that’s what we got!”
Me:
“You asked me for a 1-page brochure in black and white with 2 paragraphs of text.”
DB:
“Exactly!”
Me:
“You got a 16 page brochure with black and white text plus a full color cover on textured paper.”
DB:
“Right! So how come it took so long?”
Me:
“@#%@$@!@%”
Me:
“Hi Ms. Deadbeat, I’m calling to talk about my payment.”
DB:
“Oh, hi! I was meaning to call you.”
Me:
“Yes, I’m sure you were. I wanted to let you know I still haven’t been paid for the last project.”
DB:
“Why not? We sent a check.”
Me:
“Yes, you sent the check. But it was made out to James Wallington. My name is Josh Weinstein.”
DB:
“Yes, sorry about that. But didn’t we fix that and send you another check?”
Me:
“Yes, you did. I got another check 2 weeks later.”
DB:
“Yes, well, we only write checks twice a month so we couldn’t write the next check until the 30th.”
Me:
“Yes, but when I got the check the amount you wrote out and the number didn’t match, so the check bounced.”
DB:
“True, but then we fixed that and sent you another check.”
Me:
“Yes, indeed, two weeks later I got another check. But this time, you didn’t sign the check.”
DB:
“Oh, yeah, sorry about that. But didn’t we just send you out another check to fix that last one?”
Me:
“Yes, I got it.”
DB:
“So what’s the problem?”
Me:
“You post dated the check by 3 months.”
DB:
“Ok, well, we’ll send you another check.”
Me:
“When?” (knowing the answer but torturing myself anyway)
DB:
“In two weeks…”
Me:
“@#%@$@!@%”

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Comments

1 Comment so far

  1. yitz.. on May 14, 2007 1:53 pm

    sounds like it’s a lot of fun… anyways i just referred you another potential client… i can’t tell you how nice it is for me to have a freelance web design friend to forward all the people who ask me if i can design them websites..

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