The Golden Rule is Crap

July 27, 2005 |

I think I figured out a flaw in the Golden Rule. Some people believe that “Do unto others as you would have them do onto you,” is the perfect rule for living. Until just now, I think I believed that too. Like the old Wiccan rule, “An it harm none, do as ye will,” the Golden Rule is predicated on the presumption that the person applying the rule and the recipient of the rule share the same definition of harm. And that would seem to be a major loophole. “…as you would have them do unto you,” only works as a limiting argument if what I would not want is universally unwanted. I doubt that there are many things that are universally recognized as undesirable. Perhaps, murder and little else. There are probably societies in the world that don’t have a concept of theft. For example, if the society that you were born into doesn’t have a concept of privately held property, e.g. everyone shares everything, then why would I care if you come into my house and take my favorite chair? It really isn’t mine so you have every right to take it. So what if I move from that society into a society where the Golden Rule is the only rule, but that society does have the concept of private property? When I would inevitably be arrested for grand theft for stealing my neighbor’s car, wouldn’t I be able to argue in court that I wouldn’t care if he took my car so am I not applying the Golden Rule as it is intended? I am doing unto him what I would have him do unto me. Let him take my car, I don’t care.

I think you see where I am going with this.

The problem is that none of us share the exact same mental map of what is good and what is bad. As a result we cannot possibly agree on what is meant by “harm.” I think a better rule than the Golden Rule, let’s call it the Platinum Rule, is this:

“Do unto others as they would have you do unto them.”

Let each man define for himself his own boundaries. Do not try to force others to share your view of where those boundaries lie and only ask that they respect your views. Respect each man’s right to determine what is harmful to himself and make the best effort to try to know each man well enough to not harm them.

And really, isn’t that love? To know someone so well and so deeply that you will know all their definitions and all their boundaries?

Learning those boundaries and respecting them is the process of loving. Imposing our own views of what is in and what is out is not love. And not respecting other’s boundaries is nothing close to love. It is selfish arrogance of the worst kind.